Originally written beginning of December 2009:
So we stayed in a hotel in Chicago for Thanksgiving. Me, thinking I wanted a romantic hotel getaway and whenever we’ve gone to see his family I have seen this billboard for the Essence Suites. The billboard is cute and their website is really nice. So I mentioned to the husby that I wanted to stay there. Like the good man he is, he of course surprised me with a stay there. We pulled up to the Essence Suites and I was kinda apprehensive. The website makes the rooms seem large and spacious but as we pulled up and saw how the doors were closely together, I began to worry about the size of the room and the quality of this stay. Then when we got to check in, the receptionist required ID’s of both guests with the requirement that all guests be at least 21. I was like HUH?!?!?!
So…going along with it…we checked in and went to our room. OMG! It smelled of disgusting sex covered up with the strongest potpourri I have ever smelled. The floors were concrete, the bed was MASSIVE w mirrors and lighting above it. ALL the lights in the room were red!!!! The only carpeting was at the headboard of the bed and covered the bed frame. This was clearly a BOOM BOOM ROOM!! The entire room included a half kitchen, bathroom, a humungo bed- all in the size of half of a standard living room. My husband and I just kept eyeing each other. I wouldn’t even take off my shoes and I couldn’t imagine how I was gonna sleep in the bed. NOT to mention that I didnt bring REAL pajamas so I was planning on sleeping fully clothed!!
Anyways, as if everything wasn’t enough of a warning sign, I went to check out the bathroom and what’s sitting on the bathroom counter? NOT shampoo! NOT conditioner and lotion!! But… condoms and lube!!!!!! LOL! I closed the bathroom door and behind the bathroom door was this black folded up contraption in a bag. Just as I noticed it- my husband began reading the note left by the hotel in each room. He began reading about the “novelty swing” behind the bathroom door!!!! OMG! After that, he said…”Get your stuff together! We’re getting out of here!”
This is SOOOOOO the place husbands take their mistresses or backup porn filming locations or the place a high schooler with a fake ID takes a date in order to score. It was disgusting!
My husband and I checked into our usual DoubleTree Hotel. Once we got into our room, we looked at each other and just BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!!!!
Chronicles of a First Time Wife 