This happened in November 2009:
So… This might be a little bit more than you really want to know but I promise you will be cracking up…
So last night, I decided that I was gonna bust out some lingerie. When we were in Hollywood we went to Fredericks of Hollywood and I got a bunch of stuff. One of them was this little red stringy number that was SOOOO cute on the mannequin (http://www.fredericks.com/Strappy_Stretch_Satin_Teddy/92541,default,pd.html?cgid=lingerie). So I decided to bust that one out. My husband was already in the room so I had to get sexied-up in the bathroom. (Mental note to self– keep some lingerie and sex related items in the bathroom). Anyway, so I got to looking at this little red stringy number and could NOT figure it out. My husband must’ve known I was getting sexy but couldn’t figure out why it was taking me so long. It took me OVER 30 minutes to lay it out the way it should be worn and figure what string goes where. Mind you, I have an adversion to thongs- not so much that I dont like thongs as much as I dont like things in my butt.
As if that wasn’t enough, putting it on was a whole other adventure. I fell over twice in the bathroom! My leg would go through the wrong string combinations. My arms were in the wrong combo. I ended up cutting some strings. And my proportions are funny so the size of the piece fit my torso length but the boobies part did NOT fit and had my boobs squeezed SO tight, my boobs were splooging over all over the place(I need a small in the body and L in the boobs). I finally had to put a bra under it to make it look right but I was irritated about that cause it meant starting all over trying to put the darn thing back on. Mind you, by this time, I had been in the bathroom well over an hour. My husband was knocking on the door. I had to take the darn thing off a few times between putting it on wrong and having to pee.
FINALLY, I had it figured it out- my version of it anyways, since I had cut a few of the strings that I couldn’t figure out off- they are now headbands!!!!!! I got to the room and my husband was KNOCKED OUT! I had put in TOO much work for that so I WOKE HIM UP!!!! OH YES I DID! I let him know that whatever was going to happen was going to happen with this thing on cause there was no graceful way to take it off nor was there any easy way that I knew of currently to take it off. In the end, all parties were pretty satisfied- though I ended up sleeping in the darn thing cause I didn’t feel like the drama of taking it off and I STILL struggled to take the darn thing off when I went to take a shower this morning. You heard of sleep lines? How about lingerie lines?
Moral of the story– if takes more than one person to figure it out and put it on, it defeats the purpose! I am also starting a petition to lingerie manufacturers to encourage them that they need not feel like they need to design and create pieces that perplex our minds and thinking!!!!!
Chronicles of a First Time Wife 